*Disclaimer: If you use these techniques in your daily make up routine, don't be mad at me. I am in no way trying to offend anyone who uses these tactics to achieve a nice make up look. I am just providing my own personal opinion to explain what I, Amanda, think does not look suitable to go out in public.
**Disclaimer: If you hate sarcasm, leave.***
***Disclaimer: Kidding! I just don't want to offend anyone!
Okay, shall we begin?
FOUNDATION
Starting off with the base of your flawless make up look, apply a heap of liquid foundation. Don't use a brush, just use your fingers to glob a thick base all over your face. Make sure to choose a foundation that is 5-10 shades darker than your natural skin tone. It's getting to that time of the year when we're all looking really pale, so we can look a bit more tanned by darkening our face, right? Right. If you don't have a darker shade of foundation, feel free to use Nutella. Also, no need to blend that down your neck; you want people to know you're wearing make up. To make sure there is a distinct line between your jaw and neck, just do the "Double Chin Test".
POWDER
You want your powder to match your foundation, which means you need a dark powder. Don't have it? Go ahead and use your favorite bronzer (I opted for sparkly bronzer to really make it obvious)! Don't have that either? A great substitute is cocoa powder or fresh dirt.
CONCEALER
So y'all have heard the phrase "under eye highlighting", right? Well we are going to do our best to execute this technique with the best of our abilities. In order to accomplish this look, obtain a concealer that is brighter than your glowing smiles. Like, the complete opposite of the shade of foundation you just applied. Apply under the eyes, and also your forehead, down the bridge of your nose, and your chin. Blending is optional. You're trying to show people that you wear make up... you know... to look more sophisticated.
BLUSH
You'll need to use the biggest brush you can possibly find for this step. If you're really committed, feel free to use a toilet bowl brush. Now, find the brightest, Barbie pink blush you can find. Smile to expose the apples of your cheeks, and pack that stuff on! Go ahead, do 4-5 layers to get the full effect of the vivid product! You got it girl, keep going! When you think you have enough, you don't. More, more, more!
HIGHLIGHTER
Similar to the blush, you really want to pack the brightest highlighter you can find. The point of this product is to show people that you glow, you shine! Use a large brush to swipe several layers of this radiance in a box on your cheek bones, forehead, anywhere, really. If you're not seeing the results you want from the brush, go ahead and apply the highlighter straight from the pan. Still not shiny enough? Maybe you should just stop showering and washing your face to get that natural, sweaty, glowing look. HOT DAMN!
EYE BROWS
Now this part is a bit tricky, so don't worry if you don't get the hang of it your first time. There's two ways to go about getting the best eye brows. 1) Shave or pluck both eye brows so nothing is left; not one single hair. Then take a Sharpie and draw your eye brows: two straight lines should suffice. They don't have to be symmetrical either. No worries! OR 2) Not ready for that kind of commitment, leave your eye brows just the way they are. Take a liquid eyeliner pen and do the same thing. Completely disregard the color of your natural hairs and the shape of your brows, and just draw those suckers on with an eyeliner pen that is as black as your soul.
EYE SHADOW
Find the brightest, most obnoxious color(s) you can find. Apply whatever you find with your fingers or one of those crappy brushes that come in the packet. It doesn't even matter if the colors look good paired together and don't worry about blending them. You gotta love those harsh lines! Don't just stop in the crease either, apply a cakey amount from the lash line all the way to your brow bone (or further if you'd like). If you have some glitter too, use it, all of it! Sounds easy enough, right?
EYE LINER
Remember that eye liner you used in your eye brows? You should grab that again. Apply a thick line of black above your lash line. Not on the lash line, above it. Got an unsteady hand? Even better. Clean lines aren't necessary for the look you're going for. Still not liking the look? Adding more eye liner always solves the problem. You know what they say, "The more, the merrier!"
MASCARA
This is my favorite! Open your favorite mascara, don't wipe off any of the excess product off the wand, pack that on. Don't worry about spreading out your eyelashes, don't even shimmy the brush when you apply. Just clump it all on. Make it look as chunky and unnatural as possible. You got some on the skin around your eye? No problem, just leave it. It adds that "I worked extra hard to look good" appeal. Put so much mascara on that it almost looks uncomfortable. Yeah, that'll make the boys whistle.
LIPS
Don't exfoliate. Don't moisturize. The dry lip look is the new trend and looks ultra chic with bright or extreme lipsticks. Trust me, you'll look great. Don't worry about lining either, you won't make mistakes because women are perfect. Just apply straight from the bullet. Make sure to really overdraw those lips to get that luscious, kissable look. After lipstick, use a gloss that matches the lipstick you just applied like a pro. Be extra generous with the gloss. You want to look shiny... and sticky. That's always a good combo.
There you go! You look amazing! If you don't find your soul mate while wearing this look, there's no hope for you. Sorry. Play around with these techniques, make them your own! Be creative! You'll find what you like/don't like.
Let me know in the comments what you think!
xx Amanda
Twitter & Instagram: @amanda_wymore
